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ignotism
★ levi ★
Artist | Varied
United States
and i will learn by studying the lessons in my dreams

My icon was gifted to me by Chaosiies
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i moved four states over just to forget your face
but your name is still everywhere
exodus
the book of exodus is the second book in the bible after the book of genesis.



exodus comes after the beginning of everything.
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sunday nights will not love you,
will not hold your hand
through the coming week,
the onsetting of sunrises.

you must take its hand,
walk it through
the coffee shop,
the afternoon yoga,
the lazy tea &
novel morning,
you must
stop time
and be the only person
moving
in the world.

sunday will not love you.
sunday will not be easy
just because it isn't monday
or tuesday or any other day.
sunday is not a movie,
is not a silver screen
expectation.
it won't be
model-thin
or white as
clean sheets

some sundays
will be off-the-meds days,
will be forgot to take meds days,
will be what's-the-fucking-point-of-meds-if-i'm-going-to-die-anyway days

some sundays will be
nihilism wrapped in cellophane,
thoughts of suicide
and never leaving your bed
and equating the two as the same thing.
some sundays will be
freudian sips
of poison,
longing to be
red wine
in a mason jar
next to a sylvia plath
anthology.
some sundays will not
go as planned.
some sundays will tell
the calendar
to go fuck itself.

but these sundays
they will not be hollow.
they will not be broken,
a vessel of some angry teenage poem.

they will be stepping stones.
they will be yellow lights
and red lights.
they will be car crashes.
they will be hard curves
and hard lessons.
they will be everything
and nothing as planned.
but sunday won't save you.
you will learn to
hold your own hand.
:bulletblue: follow my tumblr: albarose.tumblr.com
:bulletblue: follow me on twitter: twitter.com/albarosecam

www.theodysseyonline.com/what-…

more accurately titled "what i mean when i say i'm a boring white middle class teen from a rural town who accuses other milennials of being entitled, even though my bourgeois parents are paying my way through college, bought my first car and will always let me move back in once i'm finished giving all my money away to a corporate institution for a shitty bachelor's degree in psychology that i settled for because i have no ambition.

as a result of my bougie, sheltered upbringing, i have no nuanced perspective on the experiences of the proletariat, immigrants or people seeking abortions. i've never even met an immigrant or a woman who's had an abortion-- but here are my formal opinions on them which i inherited from listening to fox news w/ my family full of oops children right after we got done praying to the confederate flag."

the night isn't quite black
but it isn't blue either.
it's a grey purgatory between the two,
light enough that we can see stars
and trembling deer and our hands
in front of our faces,
but dark enough that i can't
see the tremble in your lips
when you ask how many people i've cheated on you with.

/      /     /

we're in a park at 8:06 pm
and i thought you invited me here
so we could listen
to the running water
and the grasshoppers
that survived the winter
but i was wrong.

my heart is a playground after dusk,
a place where children used to play
but it's so quiet now.

maybe that's why you left.


/     /      /

two days ago we made plans to move out
of our parents' houses and into a shitty,
two-story escape in cincinnati.

tonight i sit at the top of a slide
and you tell me you could never live with me.
i ask you if it's because
you couldn't stand to look into a fucking mirror.

you laugh and shrug it off.

you always do.

/     /      /

you drive me home
one last time,
sighing through the long stretch,
the drive so brand-new
in the wake of 2 years pulled apart
at the seams.

it is as if you
have never driven me home before,
every streetlight and traffic sign
a fresh stroke of thick paint
on the canvas of our last day in love.

cupid's chokehold is on the radio
and i'm back on the swingset
2 hours ago
where i told you stories
about my old home
i'll never tell you again.


/     /      /

i slink down the slide,
stumbling onto new ground.



i come down.
find someone else to serenade you naked at 2 AM
the soundtrack of my heart is "the end of all things" by panic at the disco
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:bulletblue: follow my tumblr: albarose.tumblr.com
:bulletblue: follow me on twitter: twitter.com/albarosecam

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:iconkitsunezu:
Kitsunezu Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2017  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fav!Heart 
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:iconfeathers01:
Feathers01 Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Happy birthday!! Hope you had a great day! :)
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Happy birthday, deary. I hope it is a good one for you. :heart: 
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:iconignotism:
ignotism Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2017   General Artist
Thanks so much! It's been wonderful actually. I lit a vanilla candle, listened to regina spektor and did some yoga. It's been lovely
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
It sounds perfect. 
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:iconstarlight879:
starlight879 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2017
Happy birthday!
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:iconignotism:
ignotism Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2017   General Artist
Thank you dear!
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:iconpiksxx:
piksxx Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2016
Thanks for the fave!
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:iconstelios331:
stelios331 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2016
Thanks so much for the fave! :)
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:iconlandobaldur:
landobaldur Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2016  Professional General Artist
greetings from one creative mind to another
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