i cry a lot now. i cry about growing up. i cry about memories. i cry about the circumstances of my birth and wondering tirelessly if i had been born smarter parents or richer parents or kinder parents if i would have grown up to be a polyglot or a prodigal artist or musician. but i am not any of those things, and who i am now has to be enough for now because it's the only thing i can be.
people are processes
it's hard for me to take myself seriously anymore because i've fucked up relations with other people so many times. any time i tell myself i'm making a step in the right direction (blocking him on facebook) i psyche myself out because i realize i've felt this power and independence before, but it crumbled.